I’ve always preferred traveling with friends over traveling solo. With great company, you can usually have a great time anywhere! However, sometimes traveling together can make or break a friendship… so you do have to choose your travel buddy wisely.
My first ever trip with a friend was in my teens, with my best friend to Spain. It didn’t go as well as I expected – she wanted to sit on a beach all day while I wanted to explore. She also met a cute guy at the beginning and wanted to spend as much time as possible with him, leaving me on my lonesome… which I really couldn’t handle at the time! We had totally different expectations and it did cause a blip in our friendship at the time. Fortunately, we managed to discuss our differences after the trip and I’m glad to say that she is still one of my best friends today. Although we don’t travel together anymore (mainly because we live in different countries).
Fast forward 20+ years, and I’d say I’ve got the ‘travel with friends’ thing down, and I’m blessed to have some amazing travel buddies. I really do love to travel with friends. Here are some tips on how we make it work:
Choose your (travel) friends wiselyWhen you’re about to spend a few days with anyone, it really helps if you have similar interests and are on the same page about traveling.
Here are some factors to consider:
- What are your eating styles? High-end, low-end, or the whole spectrum of restaurants? Adventurous or cheese sandwiches only?
- Are you an early morning person or night owl?
- Are you interested in relaxing or exploring?
- Beach or city vacation?
- Are you interested in exploring the same things? Art, museums, culture, bars?
- Do you have similar budgets?
- Do you plan to have relaxing evenings or party all night?
- Hostel or luxury hotel?
- Are you ok with sharing a hotel room together?
Most times it is possible to reach a happy compromise even if you have some differences, so have a conversation about trip expectations before you book your trip.
One of my travel friends likes to wake up at 6am every morning. 6AM?! We usually travel as a group of three or four friends, and we make this work because early-rising friend will wake up early and let us sleep while she checks her email, goes for a walk, gets a coffee, etc. We spend the day together and if the rest of us want to have a late night out but she prefers to go to bed early, that’s fine too. She does her thing and we do ours, and we still get to spend lots of quality time together.
Identify your priorities at the beginning of the tripIn the lead up to your trip, or perhaps when you’ve settled in at your hotel, go around the group and let everyone share what is the most important thing (or things) they want to do. In this way, you can plan around getting those things done as soon as possible, and you can fit in the remaining activities in whatever time you have left. ‘Important things’ can include museums, tours, shopping, restaurants, or anything else.
By prioritizing like this, you will have a rough plan/schedule where everyone gets to do what appeals to them most. One of the things my friends and I always prioritize is taking a (free) walking tour when they are available. We usually book one in for the day after we arrive. A tour means we get to walk around, see a lot of the main tourist sites, get a lay of the land, and the best part is getting recommendations for where to go or tips on places to eat. Then we’ll naturally have a discussion of which places we have to visit, and schedule those in first.
It took me a while to realize that just because we are going on a trip together, it didn’t mean we had to literally do everything together. Sometimes a bit of space is good. If there’s a time crunch and we both wanted to do different things, it was fine to do things separately.
If my friend wants to go shopping but I’m super-tired and don’t want to buy anything, my friend can go shopping while I relax at the hotel.
If I really want to go to Museum A and my friend wants to go to Museum B, we can both agree to go where we want and meet up for dinner at a set time and place.
Everybody gets to do what they want and everybody wins!
Back in my teens on that first trip, I had expected that we would do everything together, so I was really stumped when my friend didn’t want to explore the city with me. I was also too nervous (wussy) to go and explore by myself, so I begrudgingly sat on the beach with my friend for hours at a time, bored. Looking back, the solution was obvious – I just had to take that step to do what I wanted and let my friend do what she wanted, and not take it personally.
You don’t have to sit quietly and be the martyr while your friend dictates what everyone will be doing. If you’re not feeling comfortable, say something. What you want is just as important as what everyone else wants. You’re all adults so you can reach a happy compromise.
Many years ago, I went to Brighton (England) with a good friend of mine. We were both really excited about going out to a bar that night – part of a chain of cocktail bars that was popular in London and growing across the UK. It was a cold and rainy evening – we got there, got a drink, and settled in. However, I had a toothache and wasn’t really ‘feeling’ the bar, but I didn’t want to ruin our night out so I decided to power through. Some very drunk person nearby knocked a drink over my friend, and she did not look very happy… we both reluctantly admitted to each other that we weren’t really enjoying ourselves. My tooth hurt, her feet were wet from the rain outside, and we both just really wanted to go back and relax at the hotel. Which is what we did! We were much happier to both admit defeat and just enjoy a night in with a bottle of wine.
Even if she was still enjoying the bar, I could have told her that I wasn’t feeling great then compromised by just staying for a couple of drinks instead of a big late night out.
Just like any team, different people have different strengths. One person may be great at planning, navigating, or booking stuff, while the other might be great at researching the best restaurants, finding discount tickets, or finding random things to do. Chances are that whoever is good at that thing probably enjoys it too.
When you travel together, you are a team, and it makes sense to let the best person take care of their area of expertise. On the other hand, if there are no clear winners, it can help to designate tasks so everyone can be prepared to take the lead in one area, thus saving everyone the hassle of thinking about the same tasks. Try to give people tasks that they are good at and/or enjoy.
Tasks that can be designated include:
- Finding flight options and sharing with the others for feedback
- Finding a few good options for accommodation
- Finding some tourist attractions and restaurants
- Buying tickets in advance and booking restaurants
- Taking care of how to get to/from the airport – including booking transport in advance
- Navigating from the hotel to wherever you are going – whether that’s walking, public transport, or Uber
- Keeping tabs of any expenses that will be split between the group
Similarly, some people are awful at certain tasks – like that friend who has no sense of direction. Do yourselves a favor and save your friend some stress by giving them something else to do!
Remember to have funYes, sometimes even the best of friends can get annoying when you spend too much time together, and that’s ok! At the end of the day, you’re all there to have a good time and keep that in mind if things ever get tense. It’s ok to have a few hours or an afternoon to yourself if you need it. It’s probably not the end of the world, and you’re still enjoying a wonderful opportunity in a new place with people you love (or at least like) and care about. Remember to enjoy the present moment.
Although I have traveled solo, I always jump on the opportunity to travel with friends. I enjoy the dynamics and company, as well as being able to share new experiences and create new memories that last a lifetime. It’s a really good way to get to know someone better and create an even stronger friendship.
Written by Shama
